Saturday, October 3, 2009

A Difficult Few Weeks

Last week I had my 6th round of chemotherapy. Apparently most people on Cisplatin (my main drug) don't last 6 rounds. The drug is too hard on their system and their bodies stop being able to recuperate. Well, I made it to round 6 and now my body is rebelling. My magnesium levels are out of control and keep dropping. To treat the low magnesium I have had to go in to the ER and doctor's office for 4 or 5 infusions of magnesium. I have had to have a blood test daily. Yesterday I also had to get platelets. The two worse things about this is that it stinks to have to go to the doctor daily and that I miss my kids. I didn't even see Faith, Vilate, or Helaman on Thursday because after my infusion I had to go and have CT Scan. I didn't get home until all the kids were in bed.

So, now that I have had all the infusions of Magnesium and the platelets, I am feeling better. Today is the best that I have felt all week. I have been using a wheelchair because the low magnesium and platelets causes such severe fatigue. Today I can do more - not much more - but at least a little more.

I am learning a lot and the best thing that I have learned lately is that regardless of how hard this all is and how much it hurts - physically and emotionally - there is one person who completely understands me and what I am going through. Joseph Smith, a prophet of God and the founder of my church, was in Liberty Jail in March of 1839. Joseph was in and out of jail constantly on false charges because people who were not of our faith did like him and did take the time to learn that he was teaching peace and love and tolerance and faith. Anyway, back to this time in jail in 1839, he was tired of jail (who wouldn't be). He didn't want to be there and was having a hard time trying to understand why he was in jail again, why didn't the Lord just deliver him? Here is the answer that he got - Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-9:

"...all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?
Therefore hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

Now I know that the Lord said that to Joseph Smith, but I know he would say that to me. This experience is for my good. I am no better than Jesus Christ and he has descended below all - that means he knows what we all feel like the good and even the bad. He never did anything wrong, yet he suffered for all of our sins - he felt the guilt, the pain, the anguish and the happiness of all that we have done, have gone through, are doing and going through now and what we will do in the future and what experiences we will have. He alone knows all of our feelings. This means I can turn to Him and He will totally understand. What a blessing that I know this. This scripture also says that I shouldn't fear for God will be with me forever and ever - what a comfort!!! What a blessing!!!!

On the 13th I get the results of my latest test results so I will post that when I find out. I have faith that whatever the results show, my Father in Heaven will prepare me and my family. I don't have a feeling one way or the other, I am going strictly on trusting Heavenly Father and that he knows what's best for me and all these wonderful people around me.

So, life has been tough the last two weeks, but I feel like I am on the upside now. We have a busy week ahead and I just don't have time to be sick. Remember the Lord loves me and he loves you. All will be well - just have a little faith!


Allyson said...


Good for you for lasting six rounds. I am sorry your body is rebelling now and you are having such a hard time. I just can't imagine. You are such an example of faith and courage. Your children are very luck to have you for a mom. I hope things get better for you and I hope that the treatments will help you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your beautiful family.

Tami said...

Kaci - KEEP ON TRUCKIN! we love you.

Joanne said...

I so wish I had your happy spirit sometimes. :)MY lesson I gave in RS last week was on the "Be of Good cheer" conference talk that Pres. Monson gave in April. I used you as an example and shared a post from your blog. Hope you don't mind. You are an inspiration to the ladies in my ward. Thank you for being such an example to me. We pray for you and that beautiful family daily!!

Ralene said...

What great faith you have, Kaci! Your testimony is an inspiration to both members and friends not of our church. Trusting in the Lord is even more difficult when the trials are intense--I admire your consistent ability to hold fast to your faith. Know that you are in our daily prayers.
Love, Aunt Ralene and Uncle Ron

Barbara said...

You are such a special daughter of God! And such a special daughter to us Kaci. You are still, by far, the best thing that could have ever happened to David. He was so lucky to find you in the midst of everything. Your positive attitude is such an inspiration to all of us. We pray daily for a miracle on your behalf. I know miracles, true miracles, happen. Just look at what has happened over the years in the Cox family. May HF and JC help your burdens feel light. We love you LOTS.
Mom and Dad Cox

susi and adam said...

Kaci --you are wonderful. I don't know what else to say except that I love you and I am so thankful for your example, courage and faith. All will be well!!!!! :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Kaci,

Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope with us. I am sorry you have not been feeling well. I hope you feel better soon.

-Dawn Remme