Good Days

I have really enjoyed these last few weeks of no chemo. Actually this last week has been the best. I was able to go with David and the kids Halloween shopping and we got everyone costumed out!

Today was the school Halloween parade and I had to miss it because I had class and a major test that I just couldn't get out of. I was bummed. The kids' school has a fantastic set-up. They start in the kindergarten classroom and snake through the school showing off their costumes and then the class that just saw the costumes gets in the back of the line. It is really fun. I was sorry that I had to miss it today, but the kids all came home with great reports of a fun parade and wonderful parties.

Gloria had a hard time this morning because her and Nephi were the only two that didn't get to wear their costumes. We told her she could wear her's on Saturday to trunk-or-treat and she seemed okay with that. Nephi wanted to put his costume on also, but he was much more easily distracted.

I woke up yesterday morning and felt almost back to normal. I was not looking forward to yesterday's chemo, but I went. When I got their the nurses handed me a stack of 3 quilts and told me I could choose one to keep. Apparently some wonderful ladies had been making quilts and donated them to the oncology department at Kaiser to be handed out to the patients. They are beautiful. I'm not sure how many were made, but I was lucky that I got one of them.

So, I had chemo yesterday, today and I go back for an hour tomorrow. So far I'm doing good. I have blocked out what it was like the first few days on chemo the last few times, but I feel really good right now - almost like I haven't had any chemo. This new drug is supposed to be less toxic and "easier" than the last one. We shall see if that really is the case within the next week.

All of my assignments are in for now and I am waiting to hear about 2 tests that I have taken. Overall I am feeling really good about school and I am glad that I am going. Although I do wish I had energy for my school and to work at the kids school, but I don't feel well consistently enough to do much at their school. Hopefully with this new drug I will have more consistent days.

I am looking forward to Saturday's trunk-or-treating. I love taking the kids, as crazy and chaotic as it turns out to be in the dark with hundreds of people around and no stroller for Nephi this year, I am really excited to take them. They are counting down the days! What kid doesn't?!?! After Saturday I am planning to focus full force on Christmas. I have no idea what to get any of the kids, they haven't really said what they want yet.

We will be going to Apple Hill (hopefully) in the next few weeks and then it's Thanksgiving and then we have our own little Christmas Kick-off Party the day after Thanksgiving. Then onto December. I love this time of year, but I feel like things are flying by way too fast! We are busy, busy, busy!! We are enjoying the colors of the trees, the cooler weather and all the activities that come in the fall!! Have a safe and happy Halloween!!!

Just Random

I just finished taking a test in psychology and there is no one home here but me and I felt the need to just get my thoughts down...so here you go. Read at your own risk!

I have lost a lot of weight. 40 pounds since the end of May. I now weigh about what I did when we got married - in fact my wedding ring is now worn on the 3rd finger and I can fit my mom's wedding ring on my ring finger. That says a lot - she had the tiniest fingers! David poked my back and shoulder the other day and said that he likes me more squishy. I totally agree. So I am working hard at eating a lot. A lot for me is like half a sandwich. David has been awesome and he gets me whatever I want - whatever sounds good - whenever I want it. Now if I could just shake this terrible cough that I have!

Last Saturday we took the kids to the school carnival. We were there for 2 hours, spent too much money, won some yummy brownies in the cake walk, managed to only lose Nephi - and only one time, ate a bunch of junk, played a bunch of games and got to visit with friends. It was a fun time!!! The kids had a really good time. I was beat when we got home, but I am so glad that we took the kids.

The kids have had a lot of fieldtrips lately. Faith went to the Chabot Space & Science Museum in San Francisco and had a marvelous time. Hyrum went on a 2-night fieldtrip to Mount Lassen and had a great time walking up a volcano and exploring other things. Vilate went to Apple Hill for the first time and loved getting her carmel apple. Helaman went to the pumpkin patch and they also had a rice farmer come to their school. As you see the kids have been kept very busy. While their school requires a lot, I love it and all the opportunities that they are given. The teachers do a great job!!

Today I feel good. I wouldn't say great, but good is a huge improvement over yesterday. I am tired and my house is a disaster, the laundry needs to be folded and I really should go and clean the bathrooms, the kids rooms are frightening and the mouse's cage needs to be cleaned, but all things considered we are doing well. The important things get done. The kids are learning to contribute more. I am learning to care a little less how well folded the laundry is and how their drawers look. If they can find clean clothes in the morning for school, I am satisfied. My priorities have changed.

My new goal is to not yell. I am terrible. Everyone says, "oh your so patient," or "you never raise your voice." So not true! I am a yeller and I really hate it. So, my goal is no yelling. I love my kids and would hate it if they thought otherwise. I hoping if I make my goal public it will be easier to achieve!!!

As for the next few weeks...we are swamped. I have a mid-term on Friday afternoon. I have a paper due on Oct 30th. I really have to study my phonetics stuff and learn an entirely new alphabet. We still need to get costumes for Halloween. Then there is Halloween and trunk-or-treat. I have a bone scan and Chemo starts up again next week. This is all before November!!! Things are crazy busy around here, but it's a good busy and I don't think I would change it if I could - except maybe the chemo part.

Life is good!

A Quick Update

Sorry that I haven't been on my game where this blog is concerned. I have been really tired lately and it has been hard to get up the inspiration to blog. I just wanted to give everyone a quick update on what's happening around here. I met with my doctor on Tuesday and he said that the scans show that there is some change - not as much as he had hoped for though. We were okay with it because even slowly killing the cancer cells is still killing them. It would be okay if we could just keep killing them slowly - although faster is better. They are going to give me a few weeks off of chemo - I must say that I was thrilled about that one!! Then when I start up again they will be giving me a new drug - Carboplatin. Carbo is a sister drug to the one I was taking but it is not as strong and shouldn't destroy my magnesium levels and hearing anymore. I am hopeful that the cancer will respond to Carbo similarly as it did with Cisplatin and we will continue to see slow progress - maybe even faster progress - it's just a wait and see kinda thing.

Vilate came up to me the other day and said, "Mom, I don't want to offend anybody, so no offense to you, but it really sucks to have a Mom with cancer." I gave her hug and replied, "You're absolutely right. It does suck to have a Mom with cancer. Ya know it sucks also to be a Mom with cancer." To which she replied, "You're right." Out of the mouth of babes. It does suck to be a Mom with cancer and have a Mom with cancer, but I think that we are doing a pretty good job all things considered.

The kids are growing like weeds and I am not sure I am ready for them to grow up. They are getting more and more independent and occasionally they are even helpful! :) Faith has become quite the kitchen cleaner - I think it is mostly so that she can stay up late after everyone else has gone to bed, but I don't think I will complain. One less thing for David and I to have to do.

Today Hyrum was voted as the candidate for his class to run for Commissioner of Publicity. He will be running against one other 4th grader, 2 5th graders and 2 6th graders. He was so excited that he won the class election. I am so proud of him for wanting to be involved in the Student Council and having the courage to run. He said, "I got 3 more votes than the other girl and she is really popular!" He was so happy!!!

We are keeping busy with fieldtrips (at least one a week), schoolwork, housework, and life. Things never seem to slow down around here. But I think that's a good thing. Our lives are full - full of good stuff!!!

A Difficult Few Weeks

Last week I had my 6th round of chemotherapy. Apparently most people on Cisplatin (my main drug) don't last 6 rounds. The drug is too hard on their system and their bodies stop being able to recuperate. Well, I made it to round 6 and now my body is rebelling. My magnesium levels are out of control and keep dropping. To treat the low magnesium I have had to go in to the ER and doctor's office for 4 or 5 infusions of magnesium. I have had to have a blood test daily. Yesterday I also had to get platelets. The two worse things about this is that it stinks to have to go to the doctor daily and that I miss my kids. I didn't even see Faith, Vilate, or Helaman on Thursday because after my infusion I had to go and have CT Scan. I didn't get home until all the kids were in bed.

So, now that I have had all the infusions of Magnesium and the platelets, I am feeling better. Today is the best that I have felt all week. I have been using a wheelchair because the low magnesium and platelets causes such severe fatigue. Today I can do more - not much more - but at least a little more.

I am learning a lot and the best thing that I have learned lately is that regardless of how hard this all is and how much it hurts - physically and emotionally - there is one person who completely understands me and what I am going through. Joseph Smith, a prophet of God and the founder of my church, was in Liberty Jail in March of 1839. Joseph was in and out of jail constantly on false charges because people who were not of our faith did like him and did take the time to learn that he was teaching peace and love and tolerance and faith. Anyway, back to this time in jail in 1839, he was tired of jail (who wouldn't be). He didn't want to be there and was having a hard time trying to understand why he was in jail again, why didn't the Lord just deliver him? Here is the answer that he got - Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-9:

"...all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?

Therefore hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

Now I know that the Lord said that to Joseph Smith, but I know he would say that to me. This experience is for my good. I am no better than Jesus Christ and he has descended below all - that means he knows what we all feel like the good and even the bad. He never did anything wrong, yet he suffered for all of our sins - he felt the guilt, the pain, the anguish and the happiness of all that we have done, have gone through, are doing and going through now and what we will do in the future and what experiences we will have. He alone knows all of our feelings. This means I can turn to Him and He will totally understand. What a blessing that I know this. This scripture also says that I shouldn't fear for God will be with me forever and ever - what a comfort!!! What a blessing!!!!

On the 13th I get the results of my latest test results so I will post that when I find out. I have faith that whatever the results show, my Father in Heaven will prepare me and my family. I don't have a feeling one way or the other, I am going strictly on trusting Heavenly Father and that he knows what's best for me and all these wonderful people around me.

So, life has been tough the last two weeks, but I feel like I am on the upside now. We have a busy week ahead and I just don't have time to be sick. Remember the Lord loves me and he loves you. All will be well - just have a little faith!

Build-A-Bear

A great friend of mine brought us gift cards to Build-A-Bear. Her idea was for us to take all the kids and get them their own bear and then record my voice in the bear, personalizing each one. How brilliant!!! So, last Saturday we took all 6 kids to the mall. It was chaos, but fun. We were there around 2 hours - that did include a quick trip to See's - because let's face it, who can go to the mall without stopping at "the chocolate store" as my kids lovingly call it. Because of the in-store chaos we only got this one of all 6 kids together. I will post the other candid shots that I got on Facebook - it's just easier there.

Here is Faith and her bunny, Ginger.

Here is Hyrum and his bear, Justin.

Here is Vilate and her bear Royal Rocker.

Here is Helaman and his bear, Palkia (apparently the name of a Pokemon character).

Here is Gloria with her bear who she named Bigely at the store, but promptly changed the name to Locksy-Girl when we got home.

Here is Nephi with his bear Blue Guy. The bear is supposed to be on the skateboard, not Nephi, but try telling that to Nephi!

We had a really great time. The kids loved filling and dressing up their bears. I really enjoyed making a recording for each of them - although I must say that 10 seconds goes by really, really fast - that's all the time you have to record. I thought it was kinda funny that I had to go into the boys bathroom to record because the store was so loud.

If you notice the boys all got the same one. Hyrum was concerned that they would get them mixed up, but then I reminded him that I was making each kid their own recording and then he was fine. He was so concerned that they would get mixed up. It's hard to have a little brother who just wants to copy everything that you do. I keep telling Hyrum (and Faith) that copying is a huge compliment and that it means that the younger kids really like you - but they just don't seem to get it.

On Sunday evening Grandma and Grandpa Morgan stopped by for a visit and the kids loved showing off their bears. It was great fun!!!