A Difficult Few Weeks

Last week I had my 6th round of chemotherapy. Apparently most people on Cisplatin (my main drug) don't last 6 rounds. The drug is too hard on their system and their bodies stop being able to recuperate. Well, I made it to round 6 and now my body is rebelling. My magnesium levels are out of control and keep dropping. To treat the low magnesium I have had to go in to the ER and doctor's office for 4 or 5 infusions of magnesium. I have had to have a blood test daily. Yesterday I also had to get platelets. The two worse things about this is that it stinks to have to go to the doctor daily and that I miss my kids. I didn't even see Faith, Vilate, or Helaman on Thursday because after my infusion I had to go and have CT Scan. I didn't get home until all the kids were in bed.

So, now that I have had all the infusions of Magnesium and the platelets, I am feeling better. Today is the best that I have felt all week. I have been using a wheelchair because the low magnesium and platelets causes such severe fatigue. Today I can do more - not much more - but at least a little more.

I am learning a lot and the best thing that I have learned lately is that regardless of how hard this all is and how much it hurts - physically and emotionally - there is one person who completely understands me and what I am going through. Joseph Smith, a prophet of God and the founder of my church, was in Liberty Jail in March of 1839. Joseph was in and out of jail constantly on false charges because people who were not of our faith did like him and did take the time to learn that he was teaching peace and love and tolerance and faith. Anyway, back to this time in jail in 1839, he was tired of jail (who wouldn't be). He didn't want to be there and was having a hard time trying to understand why he was in jail again, why didn't the Lord just deliver him? Here is the answer that he got - Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-9:

"...all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?

Therefore hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

Now I know that the Lord said that to Joseph Smith, but I know he would say that to me. This experience is for my good. I am no better than Jesus Christ and he has descended below all - that means he knows what we all feel like the good and even the bad. He never did anything wrong, yet he suffered for all of our sins - he felt the guilt, the pain, the anguish and the happiness of all that we have done, have gone through, are doing and going through now and what we will do in the future and what experiences we will have. He alone knows all of our feelings. This means I can turn to Him and He will totally understand. What a blessing that I know this. This scripture also says that I shouldn't fear for God will be with me forever and ever - what a comfort!!! What a blessing!!!!

On the 13th I get the results of my latest test results so I will post that when I find out. I have faith that whatever the results show, my Father in Heaven will prepare me and my family. I don't have a feeling one way or the other, I am going strictly on trusting Heavenly Father and that he knows what's best for me and all these wonderful people around me.

So, life has been tough the last two weeks, but I feel like I am on the upside now. We have a busy week ahead and I just don't have time to be sick. Remember the Lord loves me and he loves you. All will be well - just have a little faith!

Build-A-Bear

A great friend of mine brought us gift cards to Build-A-Bear. Her idea was for us to take all the kids and get them their own bear and then record my voice in the bear, personalizing each one. How brilliant!!! So, last Saturday we took all 6 kids to the mall. It was chaos, but fun. We were there around 2 hours - that did include a quick trip to See's - because let's face it, who can go to the mall without stopping at "the chocolate store" as my kids lovingly call it. Because of the in-store chaos we only got this one of all 6 kids together. I will post the other candid shots that I got on Facebook - it's just easier there.

Here is Faith and her bunny, Ginger.

Here is Hyrum and his bear, Justin.

Here is Vilate and her bear Royal Rocker.

Here is Helaman and his bear, Palkia (apparently the name of a Pokemon character).

Here is Gloria with her bear who she named Bigely at the store, but promptly changed the name to Locksy-Girl when we got home.

Here is Nephi with his bear Blue Guy. The bear is supposed to be on the skateboard, not Nephi, but try telling that to Nephi!

We had a really great time. The kids loved filling and dressing up their bears. I really enjoyed making a recording for each of them - although I must say that 10 seconds goes by really, really fast - that's all the time you have to record. I thought it was kinda funny that I had to go into the boys bathroom to record because the store was so loud.

If you notice the boys all got the same one. Hyrum was concerned that they would get them mixed up, but then I reminded him that I was making each kid their own recording and then he was fine. He was so concerned that they would get mixed up. It's hard to have a little brother who just wants to copy everything that you do. I keep telling Hyrum (and Faith) that copying is a huge compliment and that it means that the younger kids really like you - but they just don't seem to get it.

On Sunday evening Grandma and Grandpa Morgan stopped by for a visit and the kids loved showing off their bears. It was great fun!!!

A Few Great Days

Sunday was the kids primary program! It was so awesome. For those who don't know: primary is what we call the kids program at church - kids 3 - 11 are in the primary. One Sunday a year they share what they have learned with the rest of the congregation in a Sacrament Meeting (the meeting where we all get together every Sunday). The kids sit up on the stand and sing songs and all get up, one at a time, and tell something in the microphone. It is really cute and the kids are so excited to "perform" and show what they have been learning in primary. I had 5 kids participating in the program this year. Faith, Hyrum and Vilate wrote their own talks and Helaman and Gloria recited a prepared comment. Gloria only lasted on the stand for the first half and then she just couldn't sit still anymore, so I got to go up and sit with her. The kids all did a fantastic job! I look forward to it every year!

Monday was a good day as well. In the morning I was totally lazy and watched mindless TV with the Helaman, Gloria and Nephi. Then Helaman left for school (thanks Krissy for the ride!). When he left we decided to do a craft. I got out the fun scissors, some glue, crayons, colored pencils and fun paper and Gloria and Nephi had a blast making a card for some of their friends - they might never make it to the friends, because I am not sure where they put them - but we had a really fun time making them. It was so nice to just be a mom for a while and do something with the kiddos. Then I took them with me to the hearing aid doctor and got my hearing aids adjusted - they are working great, by the way. Nephi slept through the whole thing in the stroller and Gloria was a model child. After we got home the big kids were finishing up homework (thanks to Lisa for bringing them home). Then Faith and I made apple crisp for FHE dessert. We ate dinner and had FHE then ate a delicious dessert!! It was a great day.

Today was the absolute frosting on the cake!! I started out the day dropping kids at school, Nathan's house (thanks Dawn), and then preschool - Nephi didn't cry for the first time!!!! Then I studied for the next almost 2 hours. I went to my class where we reviewed for the test on Thursday and then I met with the Speech Pathology Junior screener - here's where it gets good!!! We - David and I - have been a little concerned. I am a Speech Pathology major - think speech therapist. Well, you kinda have to hear to help people with their speech and I am kinda losing my hearing. I was so upset when my hearing started to go, because I just made up my mind on my major in March or April. I finally knew what I wanted to be when I was gonna grow up and now I was concerned that these stupid things called cancer and chemo were once again throwing my life off course. Okay, so today I met with Lynda Oldenburg - the junior screener. She looked at my hearing test and called in the audiologist - Jim - and they both said that there is not a problem. In fact they commended me on being proactive and having a positive attitude. Jim actually also scheduled me for another hearing test with my hearing aids in to see where I hear aided. So I go do that on Thursday morning before class. I am sooooooo excited that they both encouraged me to continue. I was really concerned and now I don't have to be anymore!!!! Then to top off the day I got a blood transfusion. I know sounds bad - but it really isn't. It was good for me. I joke that it is like a drug - kind of a "pick-me-up." During the transfusion, which took almost 4 hours, I read my psychology book and got a nap! When I got home I had tons of energy - enough to make pancakes for dinner while I unloaded the dishwasher and I didn't even have to have a chair in the kitchen! It was fantastic!!!

So as you can see it has been a great few days!!! Tomorrow is Wednesday and my break day. David will take the kids to school and the little two to preschool and Helaman and I will hang out in the morning. Once he leaves for school I will have a few hours to myself - homework time!! I am loving school and loving the new schedule. Things here are great!!!!!

Time flies when you're havin' fun!

It seems like I just updated this thing, but I just noticed that it has been almost 2 whole weeks!!! So sorry!!! We have been really busy. David and I started school last week and it has been an adjustment - we have been spoiled with both of us home and I don't know yet if I like all the being gone.

I have 2 classes at Sac State. One is Phonetics and I absolutely love it! My professor is great and so are all the students in the class. I go to class on Tuesday and Thursday from 10:30 - 11:45, but I am at the school from the time we take the kids to school at 8 until around 1. My other class is online and it is psychology. So far, not so thrilling, but I am hopeful as we delve further in it will become more interesting. David goes to school Monday thru Friday. He is done by noon everyday except Wednesday and that day he is done by 1:30. Nephi and Gloria go to school Tuesday thru Thursday and seem to be adjusting to the schedule. Nephi has a hard time with the drop off and Gloria is really ready to come home when we pick her up, but overall it is a fantastic program and I am so grateful for all their teachers. It is a blessing for us! On Wednesdays I only have Helaman in the morning and then when he leaves for school I have a few hours to myself - which I use for sleep and homework. So far the schedule seems to be working well.

The first day of school was also the first day of my 5th round of chemotherapy. This round has been the hardest so far. They - the nurses - say that chemo is cumulative and so it does usually get harder the further into that you get. I'm sure that starting school right then was not the best, but that's the way it worked out. I know many people think I am crazy for continuing my education with 6 kids and now having cancer and dealing with the chemo, but it is my thing. Some of my friends scrapbook, some of my friends sew, some read, some play games, some do other things - and my thing is school and learning. I absolutely LOVE it!!!! It is not easy and I think this might be the hardest semester I have had, even though I am carrying a smaller load, but I want to do it and it gives me an escape. I don't have to be a cancer patient at school and I don't have to be a mom there either. I can just be me. I need that break. So, crazy or not, I am taking it!!

So back to this difficult round of chemo...over the Labor Day weekend I was having chest pains so my wonderful Dad took me to get a blood test. We got to Kaiser and the lab said they were closed! I was so upset - I was told they were a 24-hour lab. So, the door was open and my dad and I went in to sit down so that I could rest and we could decide what to do - go home or go to the ER - which I so did not want to do! We sat for maybe 2 minutes and out comes a lady who says, "Can I help you?" I responded with, "I need a blood test, are you really closed?!" Her response, "yeah, but I can do it right now if you want." My dad and I turned to each other and laughed - the Lord was looking out for me and I got my test. My results came back within an hour and all looked okay. The next day I called the nurse and she said that some of my results weren't back so we would wait for those but, in the meantime just rest. The results came back late Tuesday and I was extremely low on magnesium. Apparently they use magnesium to stop muscle contractions - hmmmm I had been having those chest pains - they were caused by that! So Wednesday I went to the doctor and got magnesium. I could walk again - I could breathe again - it was FABULOUS!!!!

Labor Day weekend was fun. We spent Sunday afternoon at my parents' house. My sister and her hubby and her new little baby were here for the weekend and we had a blast visiting with them and holding that precious little girl! On Monday we went over again and the kids got to swim and play with their cousins. I laid on the couch most of the time and we had a fabulous dinner. I wish that I had been feeling better. I could tell that I was worrying my parents and poor David, so I felt bad, but other than that we had a good visit with the family. I miss not getting together so often with them. We used to get together every Sunday, but it just got too full of a house - my parents have 6 kids, 5 in-laws and 20 grandkids. It is a little crowded and LOUD when we all get together, but I sure love it when we do!

As for now, I am doing okay. I am tired much of the time, which leaves David to deal with the kids. My chest has begun to hurt again so I go for another blood test tomorrow. Lately I have felt like a lame Mom to my poor kids. I hate it when they know that I don't feel good they have a look in their eyes that is scared and I can't stand it - especially the girls. It makes me so sad for them. I have been trying to sit with them more, hold them more, hug them more and kiss them more. I love going to school and I have been trying to stay on top of my homework. The house is pretty clean - thanks to my wonderful hubby that works so very hard. Things are good. Life is good and I am going to enjoy it all!!

We are planning to take the kids on day trips over then next few months. My goal is one a month on a Saturday. So look for those updates. Oh yeah! I almost forgot - if you want to see the pictures from our photo shoot in Old Sac go to www.bluelilyphotography.com, click on the "clients" link and when it prompts you for a password you can put in my name "kaci cox" and you can see our amazing family!! (Don't forget the space!)

Enjoy your life while I am enjoying mine! Thanks for checking in!!!!!! Love ya!!!!!!!!!

Somma my cute kiddos

Tonight we went to a Family Home Evening Ward Activity at the park. For those who don't know Family Home Evening is held every Monday night - it is a highly encouraged activity by our church. We want our families to be strong and helpful. FHE - as we affectionately refer to it- helps us to spend time together and we usually have a gospel lesson, on things such as "love your neighbor," "treat others with respect," "obey your parents," "Jesus loves us," etc.... There are times when we choose to go and have a family activity and maybe forgo the lesson. Tonight was that kind of night. We got together with our Ward Family (again for those who don't know - our church is divided geographically and you go to the building at the time based on where you live. Those who you go to church with at that appointed time are what we refer to as your "Ward Family") at Ashton Park. The kids played on the playground, at yummy make-your-own ice cream sundaes and followed some dogs around while David and I got to relax a little and visit with the adults. It was a really fun activity.Here is a picture of my Vilate - ya know the one that is terrified of dogs! She came up to me and said, "Mom, look what I can do." She was then handed a cute little dog to hold. She was so pleased with herself. Vilate really has come a long, long way. We are so pleased with her!!!

Below is a picture of Nephi. He is posing for the picture and he altered his outfit all on his own. Please notice the Cinderella skirt, the fantastic head flashlight - turned on so that he has red eyes, and he completed the look with Helaman's rainboot - on the wrong feet I might add. Didn't he do a great job? I think maybe he needs to be on one of those designing shows! He's got TALENT!!!! I love these kids!!!!!